infiniti

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I can no longer ignore the obvious, no longer push what I know to be true into the void of apathy.

The umbilical cord has separated. The lingering nerves which previously held so strong the coexistence, that was so harmoniously shared between the two which I know and refer to as me.

Who am i.

I have come to acknowledge a very dawning fact. I have two beings alive with and within and without me. They are both me and are yet entirely separate from each other. It seems as far as I can tell, which is no authority on the matter mind you, that the entities seemingly act against one another, on every level. One wants to swing up, the other down. One wants I should spit, instead I swallow. One wants to sit, the other wishes to stand.

Now this may seem to be a very simple problem, perhaps not even a problem at all to some of you more fortunate types, you know those types that just seem to know who they are and where they sit ripe and ready for life to happen. I, sadly, unfortunately, quite the bummer in fact, am not like that type at all.

So this is a problem. I could shrug it off easily enough I suppose, push it under the rug with all the rest of my past due bills, back taxes, hopes and wishes and dreams, dirty laundry and rotten food. Get quite rid of it, I could do it you know, I know myself well enough to know, I can toss it out good.

But for some reason, not this time. I have to look a little closer at this concept I know to be true.

Why?

Mostly because I have found it to be downright maddening attempting to be two at once. The mathematics just don’t allow for it I swear. You are either one, or the other.

Some of us hold onto the outlook that the world is back and white, others claim that its a whole spectrum of shades of gray, maybe a whole color works, eh?

I do not personally think life has anything to do with painting, but who knows.

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